'It's a mountain, we've landed on a mountain'. 'What's a monarchy?' 'You are a potato couch' 'What?!you're only nine' (Me) - "Who's Jesus' father?" (Russell Brand on bad chat up lines) - " Stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, Get in the van" - "Have you been out in society recently? 'Cause it's SHIT." (Michael McIntyre on Valentine's Day) - “You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote ‘I still love you, see last years card for full details’” (Valerie Alunan) - "PHALLIC!" (Lady Gaga) - "We all have revolutionary potential." (Random chav girl) - "You don't even know her!"