Nevena Nelly Novakovic


"I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times… In life after life, in age after age, forever. My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, ...In life after life, in age after age, forever." "Meet me in the shadows of your heart, The place only you and I know exists. Take me with you and hold me in your arms. ...Meet me in the stars above, The place the highest goals live. See the light of love shining in my eyes... Meet me, my love... Anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Share my soul and be one with me." ~ Tender Butterfly ~ I love you more with every breath...... Truly, madly, deeply......... <3 Love is something eternal the aspect may change but not the essence. Vincent van Gogh What is the Goth culture? It is basically indefinable, because "Goth" means different things to each follower. Many adopt unusual fashions in order to separate themselves from other youth. Gordon A. Crews, associate dean of the School of Justice Studies at Roger Williams University in Bristol, CT is an investigator of what he calls the "occult" which-- in his opinion -- includes the Goth culture. He said: "It is up to the individual to define what Goth is for themselves ... The mentality is, 'I want to be left alone but I want to be seen. I want to see the shock on other peoples' faces." 11 Some factors that are commonly observed are: * Its unique music, art and literature. * The use of extreme black clothing, light colored makeup, unusual hair styles, body piercing, bondage items, etc. * A fascination with medieval, Victorian and Edwardian history. * Wearing of symbols such as a Christian cross; an Egyptian ankh or "Eye of Ra," or "Eye of Horus;" a Wiccan pentacle, a Satanic inverted pentacle. etc. 14 * Goths tend to be non-violent, pacifistic, passive, and tolerant. Many in the media have mistakenly associated Goth with extreme violence and hatred of minorities, white supremacy, etc. * Many Goths write about being depressed. Followers seem sullen and withdrawn, when in public. They are often much more "happy and carefree in the company of [other] Goths." 1 Examples of depression are: * "Tigriss," commenting on her own life, writes: "So my gothic persona fit me quite well. My black clothing and dark music aptly reflected my own depression, pain, and anger which was what I made most of my life about. Most of my goth friends had dysfunctional families and troubled childhoods as mine. We could identify with each other through our dark make-up and painful pasts." 12 o Researcher Jasin Tamlin comments: "If you take a look at the 640 sites that are listed on the Gothic Web Ring, you will find many of them filled with desperation, depression, anger, hatred, despair and angst." 13 * "A lot of people turn to the Gothic subculture after having a hard time in school, feeling alienated, and looking for a way to express themselves that mirrors those feelings. Others find the scene through literature, still others want to be shocking, and some people just find black clothing slimming." 1 * Goth music often deals with thought-provoking topics, concentrating on societal evils, like racism, war, hatred of groups, etc. Their music tends to concentrate on the very "nasty, unhappy" topics that "North American culture" wants to "ignore and forget." * A fascination with death. They try "to find a different way of thinking about life, like trying to find beauty in life, pain and death. It's all a quest for immortality." 2 * In contrast, many Goths are optimistic about the future and see much beauty in the world. * Some Goths enjoy playing role playing games. However, RPGs are not an integral component of Goth culture. It is just that those intellectual and creative challenges that draw them to the Goth scene make them more likely to enjoy RPGs as well. * Other interests: writings by authors like Dante, Byron, Tolstoy; German Expressionist silent films; writing music; painting, etc. You see me destroying myself. You see I want help, I need help. But you don't do anything but sit there and stare at me awkwardly. I guess you aren't my best friend after all. There's no scars anymore. I broke down again. They're all bloody messes again. It's kind of sick the way I think about it all the time. I'm a sick little girl with blood on her wrists and a crack in her heart. That just wishes death would come sooner rather than later. I've learned that good-byes will always hurt. Pictures will never replace having been there. Memories-good or bad-will bring tears. And words can never replace feelings in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is my heart bleeding before you ;; this is me down on my knees boy, i feel sorry for you. there was a girl that would have done anything for you. she may not have been the prettiest or the smartest, but i guarantee you, she would have given you the world. im through with it, all of it. i simply dont care anymore. i dont wanna care anymore. im walking away now& you can say or do whatever you want.its not gonna stop me. The night sky is black. I'm awake on the ground. The grass beneath my feet is hard and cold, just like i have come to be. The stars are gone behind the clouds. I can't see a thing, so I'll let my eyes stay closed, like me, I can't open up It's hard enough to Be breaking down But it's worse When no one notices. && the thing is ;; we are all a little damaged. some of us hide it better than others, but on some level we are all torn up. we take it out on others && beat through life carrying it all&& we will end up damaging someone else. && most of the time we wont' even notice, or bother to care because we are busy with our own little disaster. && that my friends, is what we call life maybe she just feels like she's never good enough. not a good enough friend, not a good enough girl, not a good enough sister, daughter, student, athlete.and maybe she's just sick of trying. maybe she's sick of crying. her mom calls her Sunshine, because she always had a smile. let me tell you something, ive seen your daughter in an alleyway, drunk on tequila & slitting her wrists. she's a mess She's a disaster . She loses faith in herself every day . Her life is a mess and she doesn't even care . No one understands her . And people say stuff to put her down & no one even notices that she might be breaking inside . Or they never notice that maybe she needs a hug from someone . Or someone to sit there with her and listen to her . Maybe that's all she needs . . You made me cry out in pain from all your words, Scream at the walls Because you didnt care, Hurt myself Cuz' you were never there, And Die because you expected me to take it all she holds it all in as she walks down the long hallway, as they all stop & give her sympathetic looks.. but she doesn't want sympathy; SHE WANTS OUT he took the razor out of her hand and said, ”every cut to your wrist is a stab to my heart” Once upon a time I was a happy and optimistic little girl Once upon a time I was always kind and sweet to all Once upon a time the only cuts I had were from the playground Once upon a time I was okay you're talking to a girl who has, had her heart broken, cried for continuous hours, yelled && screamed for help, a girl who turned her back on the world, && a girl who did nothing but love someone who couldn't love her back. fuck the feelings fuck the touch fuck the memories they hurt too much Silent in my sanity I live safe inside my cell In the darkness that surrounds me I see hell Comfort in my suffering Feeling warm inside this pain Before I was coming down on me Everything feels so much more personal in headphones; But that doesn't change the fact that the song was written for someone who meant so much more than you. doesn't care if you call her and wake her up in the middle of the night. She hates arguing, but you know she's good at it. She's terrified of the dark, but when she thinks of you, she smiles. She laughs at your jokes even if they're dumb. She loves the way you look at her, and she wouldn't change that for the world. You hug him goodbye like it's nothing, while all you want to do is hold on forever. But you let go, smile, and walk away. Then you cry all the way home, because it will never be the same. Try as you might, you can't make someone love you. It’s hard to watch someone you love change before your eyes and know you can't do anything about it, && it's heartbreaking to remember them as they once were. I've seen love die Way too many times When it deserved to be alive My secrets are permanently carved into my arms never to be forgotten And The Rain Fell Down, And I Lay There And Cried, And The Sound Of Thunder Soothed Me And A Piece Of Me Slowly Died. Smile so the tears won't fall Laugh like you don't hurt at all Fake it so he'll never know That you still haven't let him go Maybe we didn't know each other for long, Maybe we didn't talk to each other for long, But maybe if i hadn't had been so stupid, Things would be different. i don't know if i'm getting over you, or just getting used to the pain. it's hard to hold onto something when it's trying hard to pull away from you but it harder to let go of something knowing you it will never come back to you You HURT ME!! he has no idea what goes on through her mind she's so good at pretending he will never know how many tears are fallen each night for him.. Nor the endless hours that she wastes thinking.. Maybe. Just maybe… No one knew the things she would hide All the emotions bottled up inside She couldn't keep back the urge to cry. With each passing day, a part of her would die she's the weirdo, the one you all mock she's the loser, the one you all forgot she's the labeled, the people you never really knew she's a part, something you hate about you she's everything you never wanted && she's nothing you could ever understand she's beautiful, but she'll never admit it. music is her life, literally. ask for a good song, she'll give you 5. pearls && jeans are her trademarks. she's afraid of the dark && obsessed with coffee. when she smiles her whole face lights up. && her heart's been broken by a guy who doesn’t love her anymore she runs to her room crying slams the door behind her locks it so no one can see she turns up the volume so they cant hear her tears && raises the blade just to make another mistake to go along with her collection masquerade... paper faces on parade... masquerade... hide your face, so the world will never find you... down once more to the dungeons of my black despair down we plunge to the prison of my mind down that path into darkness deep as hell What goes around comes around......

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