"I drank almond milk" "Why would you do that? You're allergic to nuts. Did you get sick??" "Yeah, I didn't know it was made with almonds..." "With God, nothing is impossible" "Faith it to make it!" "Men PMS worse than women, maybe if they bled a little they wouldnt be so bad" ".....I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." - Nick from The Wedding Date. "because you have this amazing combination of adorable and sexy." "I'm 16.. I can legally screw people, but I can't see a rated 'R' movie." "I'M A GOOD HEAD!!!" -Marie "WHASSUP GUUURRLLL" ML4 "haii gurl haiiii!" - Francis " I'd try your schnitzel" - that one boy... "I only have hand towels guys.... sorry.." "Is there an Easter yule log?" "i once swatted at air because i didnt like the way it smelled." "What? The dog ate the fish?! I DONT HAVE A FISH" "I hope you go to jail!" "YOU ARE A PEACH!!!!" "I like this breeze... That's not a subject change--it's just a footnote in an awesome night." "COCO PUFF BITCH!!" "This is where you start payin--in sweat! "Hi, I'd like to order four of everything please, and i want to pay in pennies, yes pennies thank you." Jessica: "shes pregnant and he wants to marry her" Me: "WHAT!?!" Jessica: "just kidding" Me: "oh yeah you'd kill her right?" Jessica: "No I wouldnt give a shit, I'd laugh at her and call her a prostitute!!" Me: "today is sunday! which means only a few days until WEDNESDAY!" Jessica: 'What's Wednesday? OH OUR DATE!!" "You know, I know how to swing dance. I'm pretty good too!" - Geoff "It's so quiet you can hear a PEN drop" - Asha -"what do you do for a living?" --"I give birth to other peoples' children." -"I'M THE OVEN!!" "I know what I'm gonna do with my life!!! I'm gonna be the oven!!! You know, to other peoples' buns? Pop them in and I'll let you know when they're done!" --Dileo Dileo: * holds up dirty shaped chicken* "OH MY GOD IT SQUIRTED ME!" Me: (while on the phone with Bertoo) WTF?! hahahaha *dies laughing* *bertoo hangs up* *dies some more...* Dileo: "OH MY GOD FOLLOW THAT CAR!!!!" Me: OKAY! *peels out around the corner* *rrr vrooom!!!* Me: "how do you spell shaped? is it one p or two??" Me: "oh okay, one, not shapped... thats not right..." Me: "Sticks n shit!" Dileo: "i dont know that one..." Me: "what??" Dileo: "I thought you were gonna say 'sticks and stones" Me: "i bought this black dress at Maurices" Dileo: "OMG I thought you were gonna say black person..." Me: "yes, yes, Dileo, I bought a black person at Maurice's." Dileo: "man i could eat til the cows come home! then I'd eat the cows!" Dileo: "then i'd the cows?...." Me: *cracks up* Dileo: "that leaves a lot to suggestion..." Me: "I WANNA LEAVE IT!" Dileo: "NO! it makes it sound like im screwing livestock!" *Alberto calls* Alberto: "HEYY what are you doing?!" Me: "listening to that new song by mariah carey, bye bye" Alberto: "TOUCH MY BODY!" Me: "no, wrong song..." "As her heart burned He turned to her and put it to rest with a simple kiss and left her with the words 'I will always be here'" " Kansas is the dumping ground for drama and stupid people." "I may be in debt, but at least I look good!"