Katie Briefel

Bio

'My body is like a rum-chocolate scouffle`, if i don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise. Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. Bella: i adore him. Katie: i love him. i don't think i've ever felt this way about a guy before Bella: i know. it's like i want him to be my boyfriend but i also want to be his mother. i just don't know where to draw the line. 'drinking old cheap bottles of wine, sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while. smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years, we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.' Joe: katie, you're too good to be a back-up. jewish, beautiful, amazing. not in that order. Carys: Everyone knows the only people at uni who make long-distance relationships work are the ugly people.' 'He looks like a camel... in a really sexy way..' Everyone dies but not everyone really lives.' Katie: 'everyone just say what they are genuinely thinking' Joe: 'i'm horny and tired and wanna go home.' "we're not here to meet 'mr.right'. we're here to meet 'mr.right-now.' Drink up, Pay up, Piss up. Tube it, Cube it, Lube it. -The poetry of Bella Racklin. Kate: 'I really want to set fire to the bannister, but part of me thinks it's a bad idea.' will: she is the dullest thing since the invention of the dulex beige colour chart. Jacob: my nipples are so erect they could pleasure a woman. Ben: 'text-books are my gash.' bella: *to her computer thats making noises* 'hush now, honey bun' K: ooh hi six-pack! ben: katie, those are my ribs. will: this is enough to make me convert to islam - i mean, this wouldn't happen in mecca, would it? Bella: umm ben, me and katie were thinki- Ben: threesome? Bella: errm ye. Nic: *talking about electric cars* 'you just plug them into the street. like a ghd.' Bella: your dates don't matter! at the ball last year, i got so drunk i couldn't see, and katie got with someone else. this is how we roll! Will: 'he will suck out your will to live, put it in a jar, and use it to gel his hair.' You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough. I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk. Dont make someone a priority if they only make you an option To live in the hearts of those you leave behind is not to die Will: he looks like another accessory. The latest piece of arm candy of the Bella Racklin Collection Katie: joe chill out. Joe: i AM fucking chilled!! Bella: im gonna be all couply, shag him and then RUN. Katie: you've turned into the kind of guys i try desperately to avoid. don't be mean. remember Karma! Bella: exactly, what goes around comes around. people have fucked me over so now im taking it out on him Katie: that's not how karma works. Bella: who are you? Gandhi? i'm sorry Mahatma Briefel Kate: oh my god. JAM! Will: I wanna have a LADSdowne night - not too many girls. bella: umm i'm on truelad.com i basically AM a lad. personal interests: hair straighteners, complaining, body-building, judaism Bella: i feel like the more you flirt, the more champagne he'll get you. Play it hot and cold but not to the point where he thinks you have a personality disorder. Dan: *after spilling water on Kate* 'classic gravity.' Kate: I didnt make any friends in America. *silence* Katie: i thought you werent gonna have one night stands anymore? Bella: i know. but it's UCS boys so it doesnt really count. They're kind of like childhood toys - they're not realllyyy gonna screw you over. And you'll still see them again, so it's not really a one night stand. Katie: well, it's good to see you're taking a logical approach to this... Joe: a gay guy hit on my dad when we were ice skating once. my nutsack would do a better job of presenting Pride of Britain Awards than Carol Vorderman. Joe: dont do your ridiculous laugh cos you'll set me off and im not in the mood. Katie: well arent you a bundle of fun! Joe:it's not 'bundle of fun', it's' bundle of love' or 'barrel of laughs'. Katie: were you gutted that she wasnt there? Joe: not gutted. mildly disappointed. i fell over and dropped my phone in dog shit today. i made my mum buy me a cindarella castle - i hated guns and fighting yes, katie, i use a dildo. i have a big black one under my bed. Hows my Iranian girl? Throw caution to the wind. * K: I want him in me. B: i want his stubble on my labia Alex: You know you've hit a new low when you're excited about petit filous on a friday night Alex: it's an etchy-sketchy plan. Nats: We make shapes. that's how we roll.' Alex's mum after an awkward silence: '...It's a laugh, isn't it?' Jess:if you were a guy you'd have such a big penis. Isabella: 'Is it wrong that i fancy rameses from prince of egypt?... he's just really powerful.' Katie: 'i'm a really private person. i don't want everyone knowing my love-life.' Alex: 'Katie you are so page 3' Daisy: Don't tell me all this small-talk and air-humping has led nowhere?! Alex: You obviously just see him as a friend now. once you're in the friend zone, there's no going back. Katie: that's from a film isn't it? Alex: erm yeh Alex: 'ok, random question guys, how does everyone feel about being naked infront of your cats?' Katie: guess who i saw the other day. the tall guy from little britain. do you know the one i mean? the one that doesn't look like an egg. Alex: the one who can't be scrambled. Katie: So what have you been up to? Bella: I fucked a minor celebrity. "You two look beautiful when you play tennis but you're so bloody lazy!!" -Tennis Coach i'm going to be there for you when he screws you over, because he will. Sometimes its best to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. "Love all, trust few, do wrong to none." Shakespeare. Bella: He is an A grade dingus. Alex: I still think you should go for the criminal. K: wait, which ones the criminal...? A: the one you got with a while back who was in jail. K: ohhhh him! yeh poss. A: He'd be like, i can't go back to yours cos i'm tagged. PIGLET: How do you spell love? POOH: You don't spell it, you feel it. I sew tissues together. Isabella:It's like being on a water ride! Katie:Or a sewer! Tiff: One day, i got out of the pool and started speaking chinese. Alex:*talking about my cuddly toy* 'what's his name?' Katie: 'Atticus.' Alex: katie, please call your children normal names. please. Bella: hey bean Katie: hey chickpea Bella: sprout Katie: alfalfa Bella: cress Katie: squash blossom Bella: what the motherfuck is a squash blossom? Katie: a vegetable ting Bella: i do not believe it is a pulse. i dont think so. ive never seen it in waitrose. Besides, i think a squash is a legume. Katie: difference being? Bella: its not a plant you idiaat. it's a damn legume. a legume is a seed or pod, from the pea family, that usually opens along a seam on 2 sides. A vegetable is a herbaceous plant used as food. you're a dirty, classy, sexy girl. you have nice legs.- manager of sketch. "Mixed race girl, cute face big butt. AKA the Hovis best of both, this bitch is a mutt" - The lyrical genius, Joe Lennard (about Bella) Me: Razmataz! Ben: Starmix! Bella: so i was like to her: were your lips around his cock? i dont think so. Ben: i just want affection. after sex everyone just gets angry at me. Bella: i'll be the Palestine to your Isreal. right on target. BULLSEYE! Mr mee: i want you in bed by 11 Sophia: mr mee! that's a bit forward! Look im trying really hard to not be patronising but you're all being SO STUPID! i'm gonna hit the boulangerie hard. My favourite colour is fluorescent beige Bella: 'grow a willy.' Bella: 'my hair's really sticky' Bella's MUM: 'probably from the spunk.' Jess: is Blackpool in England? Alex: why are you dressed as a sket? Nats: You eat it...and then you literally cum in your mouth! Alex: oh my gosh! How hairy are these raspberries? Stanzi: he was like our company is based in norway so i was like, ooh jet-setty! Alana;'Really, REALLY NO!' 'You know the rule: good on paper, bad in bed.' 'I miss you. whenever something funny happens, i want to tell you.' 'i love you - You complete me' 'shut up. just shut up. you had me from hello.' K: She's so fit! Joe: she's pick of the litter. K: creme de la creme Joe: the prized pig! Alex: it's ok. i'll just do history with dance at Sunderland university. Jodie: He always says 'i love you', which i find uncomfortable. Jodie: i really want to get a yellow car with holes in it, so it looks like cheese. Me: so what's the uni plan now? Bella: America, i've decided. Me: ooh which one? B: I DONT KNOW KATIE. i'll just watch gossip girl and follow that. COLUMBIA! there we go. Jodie: Katie yours is smaller Alex, get yours out. Joe: Katie i dropped my camera in the amazon river. it's gone. i also dropped my sunglasses. 700 pictures. all gone. forever. Bella: his beard was so weird, so i was like, you look like a mexican pornstar. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. (The notebook) Alex: my fish had mini baby fisheseses last night. Joe: 'he's festively plump' Joe, enters room clutching THE METRO about swine flu: 'We're all gonna die!' Joe: I love milk teeth smiles. Jess: 'when you sneeze it's because a ghost is travelling through you.' Jess: i got a U. but it was a high U! Jodie: "I wish there was some kind of magic potion that would make him tell the truth. Like in Harry Potter." "Save me. im a hean picts sick x' 'i luv u so nyc, u mean so mug so e' "I don't think Brown offers a degree in slut." David: fuck off! i dropped a wherther! Ben: i dont know why, but girls just dont mind peeing in front of me. Seriously, the number of UCS girls who've just slashed while i'm in the room. Bella: and they were all like 'but next year we'll have all our new uni friends.' so i was like, 'do you reallyyy think you're gonna become best friends with a bunch of people from norwich or somewhere like that?? i highly highly doubt it.' *arranging to meet up to organize paper-printing* Kate: sik 1 Katie: c u l8er Kate: can't w8 Katie: gonna be mental Kate: Bring a condom ;)

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