Jess Collins


"Dogs don't eat chocolate!" - Amanda [To the Snickers company on the phone] “Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves” - Joseph Addison (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. "And why are people in infomercials so darn clumsy? Maybe these people should take the money they're spending on these products and go to their doctor for some neurological tests instead. There's something wrong with them." - Erika (570): Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again. “To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self” - Joan Didion (412): Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar “Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.” - Havelock Ellis (440): I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan. “Jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits.” - Paul Eldridge Bret: And i guess im kelso from that 70s show. the problem is i hate ashton kutcher. i think i have to kill myself now Jess: Lol, don't do that I wont be able to make fun of you then Bret: Whoa for a second i thought you were being a caring friend, untill you typed in the second message Jess: Lol Oh come on I LOVE YOU MAN! I LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! BEAR HUG! Bret: Umm, i prefer evil jess Jess: Lol [When we where playing Melee @ Labyrinth] Alex: "I wasn't expecting it to go off that fast, it usually takes longer!" Everyone: *laugh* Me: "Premature Ejaculation....What? It's a serious problem!" Drunk Fat Guy: "You're a bithich!" Nadia: [Laughs] "Well that may be true, but at least when I get into my car I don't decrese the fuel efficiancy by 10%!" Rest Of The Bar: "Oohh! Damn!" Kyle: Don't you oppress me, fatboy! Cartman: Don't call me fat, buttfucker! Kyle: Then don't belittle my people, you fucking fatass! Cartman: Goddammit, don't call me fat you buttfucking son of a bitch! "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them." - George W. Bush Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost (To Bowman) "You wanna know something? You wanna know why poor people don't talk? Because they don't have any money...maybe you should learn from them!" -Me (having a Bret moment) For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. - Judy Garland Eric Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. "What was hell, made me want to kill myself, and is over...our relationship!" -Bret Eric Cartman: How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor. "I DON'T GIVE A MOOSE'S LAST SHIT!!!!" - Tourettes Guy "IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, THEY CAN GO FUCKING FUCK THEIR FUCKING SELVES." - Tourettes Guy "FUCK HIM HARD!!!!!" - Tourettes Guy HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS!!!! - Tourettes Guy Mr. Garrison: No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Louis Hector Berlioz "I wasn't a figment of your mom's imagination last night!" -Chase "Rachel Deborah Shilskey was, a Jew" - Steven My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' - Erich Fromm

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