David Weinholdt

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"Be still when you have nothing to say. But, when true passion moves you, say what you've got to say and say it HOT!" "my dad hates me. he says he doesn't understand me when i speak spanish, but I know he's lying; him and my mom used to speak it when they fucked. maybe it's because i'm fat. yeah, that's it! I AM fat. Of course, i did see my future step sister, who's white and skinny, point to my vagina and giggle with her friend, who is also white and skinny, last week when i wore those bright pink capris i made in that LA sweat shop. Real women DO have curves. I know what I'll do, I'll wear these mysterious yet magical pants that somehow fit all my friends and I, even if they are all size 4 and i'm 27. Lena told me they were magic and Bridgette lost her virginity in them, so i bet if I wear them to my dad's wedding, he'll forgive me for being fat and puerto rican and we can once again play tennis like we did when he still ate arroz con pollo, I just hope he doesn't notice the stain on the back from when I had my period and couldn't put in a tampon on account of the fact that I couldn't reach because I am fat."---Lauren "Pimp Jew" Greenberg

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